To understand me and my faith, it's important to know what makes me, ME. I have thought long and hard about this and I have narrowed it down to two things that help illustrate why I'm me, and thus why I'm a Mormon:
1. I love to read... and write... and research. Granted, the reading and writing part are more common. But I LOVE to research. I read, for research. I write, from research. I excelled in my literary classes in high school and college because I loved building and writing a research paper - and yes! Doing all that research! For someone like me, I struggle with the "he said, she said" in the social media. In a world of Google and Facebook, the game "Telephone" has taken on an entirely new meaning. For those of you too young to know that game (oh wow, I'm old enough to say that now), it's where one person says a sentence like "I want to eat some watermelon." This phrase is whispered, from ear to ear, around a circle of people, until it returns to the person who started it. Invariably, by the time it goes through all those mouths and ears, it has morphed into something unrecognizable like "I won toe summer total man." In emails, posts, articles, etc I have seen how a quote, a phrase, even a word, can be used to anyone's agenda, without any responsible credit going back to the originating source or context. This is where my love for research comes in. I love finding the actual quote, to understand the actual context, of the actual author. Novel, I know, but what can I say - I'm a nerd.
2. I love math. I'm one of those weird freaks of nature who loves literature AND math. I think my brother, Kyle, may be one of the only other people I've met who is like me. It must be a genetic thing. Most everyone else I know either loves literature and hates math, or loves math and hates literature. Here's why I love math - there's a right answer to every problem and if you understand the principles well enough, you can check your answers, to make sure you have the right answer. There's no opinion-based, subjective reasoning that can change the fact that 2+2=4.
See, the researcher in me loves literature because I am responsible for my own conclusions, based on my own research. I get out what I put into it. No one can make me learn or make me understand. There's no magic button that can give me all the knowledge and information I may need or want. Sure, there are search buttons that make it more easily accessible, but it still takes personal effort to find and sift through information. I have to take the time and energy to search and study and record my findings. It is this individual journey that has fueled my love for researching.
I could be considered a paradox, because literature can be so subjective, where math is not. But math keeps me true. I could drift off, researching every topic and discourse and quickly lose myself in a tangle of opposition and confusion, being easily swayed by this opinion and that whim. But my love of math comes from knowing that I am only as good at math, as my own ability to learn and understand the principles of math, knowing that I can find a true answer.
Likewise, God has provided us with the principles of the Gospel in scripture. Taking the principles of the Gospel in hand with a willingness to read and study and research, creates a formula for success that will yield results. We can find truth, despite confusing and conflicting information. When I study, I'm trying to learn about God, His plan for me, and how I can live His gospel. This focus and perspective is like a north star, guiding me and keeping me on course.
If you've read this far, I thank you for your patience. The lengthy explanation was important to understanding how I think and function, to better grasping why being a Mormon makes so much sense for me personally. Hopefully you can tell that being a Mormon is an incredibly personal decision that I, and I alone, have made. Do not think I am a Mormon because my parents are. Do not say I am a Mormon because I've been brain washed by leaders. I am a Mormon because I want to be, simple as that.
I have done my own research. I have read The Bible (yes, the whole thing) and The Book of Mormon. I have studied the scriptures. I have cross referenced them. I have asked God through prayer and thoughtful meditation, to help me understand and to find truth. Regardless of what religion a person prescribes to, I think we can all agree on one thing: That only God knows all truth.
Because God is omniscient, I know the best way to find truth is to ask Him. So, through prayer, I ask Him questions, having faith that I can receive an answer. I search, I read, I study, I think, and then I take what I've figured out on my own and I discuss it, in prayer, with the one person who knows all. I have received answers. I have found truth. And I look forward to spending the rest of my life on a journey of researching and learning even more. Because I don't believe that I can know all there is to know about God and His Gospel, just in a moment or a week or a year. I believe it will take the rest of my life, spending time each day, reading the scriptures, writing about my thoughts and feelings, praying and asking questions, and living my life such that I am acting upon the knowledge I am given.
Take the time, do your research, ask questions in faith, and expect to find answers.
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