Motherhood: Perfectly Imperfect

Me, my grandma, and my children

Admit there's nothing quite like motherhood to reveal all of your imperfections. Add to that the Lord's commandment: "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect" (Matthew 5:48), and suddenly Mother's Day might just feel like a bad reminder of all the times you've yelled at, cried with, bribed, or otherwise imperfectly parented your children.

For myself, Mother's Day itself has never been anything other than a nice Sunday filled with church, family, and a meal cooked by the men. But every other day of the year — now there's something to talk about! Every day brings some trial administered through my children, in addition to life's normal ups and downs. Sometimes, I start to feel really bad about myself and my imperfections, like somehow I should be able to wake up tomorrow and have all my crap together. And then I feel even worse because I just know I can't!

That's when I have to take a step back and remind myself: that's just not how it works! So while I think it's good to be aware of my less-than fabulous moments in life, for the sole purpose of improving upon my imperfections, I should not and cannot waste time belittling myself. It does no one any good, least of all myself, to bemoan my mistakes and demean my self worth.

The fact of the matter is, God in his all-knowing wisdom, knows us better than we know ourselves. He loves us more than we can possibly imagine. If a being as powerful and omniscient as our Heavenly Father can love us with all our quirks and off-days, then why can't we love ourselves too?

I think what it comes down to is whether or not we understand the meaning of the word perfect as used in scripture. The Greek word for "perfect," as written in Matthew, is interpreted as: "complete, finished, fully developed." So what that really means is that I get to be a work in progress! We all get to be works in progress! That's the point of this life. Commanding us to be perfect is reminding us of our potential. It's a goal for us to work towards, one day at a time.

As I researched the word perfect in the scriptures, I found these three points reassuring:

1. Jesus Christ, the only truly perfect person to walk this earth, had to progress day by day. He came into this world as an infant, knowing nothing. But as he grew, he "increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man" (Luke 2:52).

2. There are two mortal men who, though not perfect the same way as Christ, were nonetheless described as "perfect" men: One was Noah, "a just man and perfect in his generations, and Noah walked with God" (Genesis 6:9). The Hebrew word for "perfect" in this instance translates as: "complete, whole, having integrity."
The other man was Job: "That man was perfect and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil" (Job 1:1) How did they do it?! This next scripture helped me answer that question:

3. "Let your hearts be perfect with the Lord our God, to walk in his statutes, and to keep his commandments, as at this day" (1 Kings 8:61)

These scriptures teach me something deeper and more meaningful about the word perfect. First, perfection really means progressing towards a complete or whole state of being. This was not, even for Jesus Christ, an instantaneous moment but a day to day progression. Noah and Job were "perfect" examples (sorry, pun intended) of becoming perfect with the Lord by keeping his commandments. It's clear that we can't do it on our own. Noah's and Job's stories show, despite experiencing intense moments of "bad things happening to good people," how diligently trusting in the Lord and keeping his commandments is part of the process in becoming perfect.

Christ is not trying to discourage us when he tells us to be perfect. He's encouraging us to be better tomorrow than we are today; He's reminding us that it is our divine right to become like our Heavenly Father; and He's confident in our ability to reach our whole, completed, and perfected state.

I wish a truly Happy Mother's Day to all! To all mothers, future mothers, and mothers at heart: You're beautiful and wonderful! To my mothers and grandmothers: I love you! I think you're amazing! I'm grateful for your amazing examples of diligent parenting, patient loving, and Christlike attributes. I have many "perfect" women to look up to and learn from!

Unity is not Conformity

I have heard, many times, that the "rules" of our church are too strict, too confining, too cookie-cutter. Some view the commandments and guidelines we're encouraged to follow as a means of making us all conform and thus, in some way, lose our personal identities. (Refer to my previous post "Commandments: Restricting? Or Liberating?" to learn more about the commandments.) That is not the intent or purpose of commandments though. They are given to us, from God, to teach us and guide us, so that we can be more unified with Him and with each other, while also allowing us to develop our own personality, traits, talents, abilities, etc . . . "till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man" (Ephesians 4:13).

It is not commandments that breed conformity; it is the popular media and social networking that demand conformity. No wonder people struggle to find their own individual identity?! I submit that the solution is actually much easier than we may think: resist the pressure to conform, and find ways to be unified.

When we feel compelled to conform to any particular status quo in society, in school, at work, etc, it can definitely create feelings of restlessness and rebelliousness. There's a natural tendency for each of us to want to be unique, to feel like we're individually separate from anyone else. Why? Because we are! It goes against nature to make any one person be exactly like someone else when we are all innately and beautifully different! The moment we feel our individuality is being threatened we want to resist. Good! Go with that instinct. But don't confuse resisting conformity, with alienating yourself from those around you. We don't have to forfeit our individual worth, in order to be unified.

It is my belief that God did not intend for us to be exactly like anyone else. Consider the diversity of the Godhead. God is the Ruler and Creator. Jesus Christ is the Redeemer and Savior. The Holy Ghost is the Testifier and Comforter. God could easily do it all himself because He is God. But that's not how He operates. It really is brilliant (of course) how He has set this all up: we all need to be our individual selves, so that when unified in Christ we become a more effective whole. Each person has their own abilities and gifts that God has given them to be used for the benefit of serving and loving those around them.

Paul does a wonderful job of explaining how the individual members are necessary for the whole body to function:

"For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ . . . For the body is not one member, but many. If the foot should say, Because I am not the hand, I am not the body; is it therefore not of the body? And if the ear shall say, because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling? . . . And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you . . . there should be no schism in the body; but that the member should have the same care one for another."

(1 Corinthians 12:12-25)

Paul is helping us understand that all the different members (i.e. all different kinds of people) are needed and wanted. Yet with all the unique people, the complete whole, or the whole body, is one. Not only are the differences and uniqueness recognized, it is a necessary component of making the whole body function. Example: The ear can't be an eye, nor does it want to be, because it would then cease to be an ear. All parts of the body need the other parts to work, and the same is true for us within our community, churches, neighborhoods, school, etc.

Ironically, we live in a world that is screaming at us to conform! Gender roles are becoming meshed, women want to be just like men, popular media sets the standards, heaven forbid we discuss religion, political correctness is the law . . . and the list is endless. We all say we want to be different, and then we all try to be different in the same ways because we see an ideal of something or someone else that we feel pressured to become.

Conformity is not unity! Unity is not conformity! Own the fact that we're all different, with different roles, gifts, and passions. Love who we are. Embrace those around us for who they are. Because we are each, individually, special. Paul tells us that there is not any member of the body that is not needed, there is not any part of the body that is less than or more important than any other. They should be, and can be, all a part of the whole, unified in working together.